Post season Fantasy

$25 per roster. You must fill out the roster below using 1 person from each team. You know how this works and anyone can play if you know those who are interested. All rosters must be in before the first game.

2 QB
3 RB
4 WR
1 TE
K
D

Good luck to everyone except Timmy, Matt, and Steeeeeeeeeeve!

I Hate The Melinson Brothers!

Yes, they won the points total, yes they won the Fantasy Bowl, they even won the Consolation Bowl. Matt and Timmy took down Sqrl and the Bachelor to claim all the top prizes. Yuck!

So, now we have to pay these rat bastards. Here is who owes and who doesn't. Most of the money can be mailed to 8016 Colfax Street.

Keep in mind the league fee is $160 this year since we are all giving $10 to fight spinobiphida.

Winners

Kyle Jr. - $120 Courtesy of $10 from all owners.

Matt - $873 ($900 for Fantasy Bowl and Points Title - $160 + $83 for moves + $50 for Jones Drew Bet)

Timmy +$180 ($350 for Consolation Bowl and 2nd place points - $10 moves - $160)

Pat +$86 ($250 Fantasy Bowl Loser - $4 moves - $160 fee)

Sqrl +$10 ($100 3rd place points - $30 moves - $50 Jones Drew Bet)

Owers

Dtz - $110 ($160 fee - $50 for Toilet Bowl)
Kaner $162 ($2 moves)
Fudd - $160
Bill $168 ($8 moves)
Steve $168 ($8 moves)
Crane $163 ($3 moves)
Hagz $176 ($16 moves)
Prev $162 ($2 moves)

Feel free to take your time paying and if you want Matt said he would prefer to pick ut up at your house instead of you spending the money on stamps to mail it. He's nice like that.

Fantasy and Toilet Bowl

As much as it pains me to type this, Matt will be playing in the Fantasy Bowl. He faces his nemesis, The Bachelor! Pat already took the title away from Matt a few years ago when he got Freddy Taylor in a trade for some magic beans. I'd like to see Pat repeat that little bit of history.

Ernie Jones plays me in the Consolation bowl and since we are only a point apart in the total points race, second place is on the line as well.

Dtz takes on Kaner in the toilet bowl and the rest of you suck.

Merry Christmas!

So Long, Suckers

Great season, Steve, Bill, Prev, and Crane...not! Pay up, your run has ended!

As for the rest of you, here are the matchups...

I get the pleasure of making Matt a one-and-done team in the playoffs.
Pat is going up against the Ernie Jones Jugger...not!
Fudd probably doesn't even know he advance (sucks for Steve) and will face off against Kaner.
And Hagan gets his shot in the Poopy bowl against Cheatin' Dtz.

Is Steve eliminated? Oh right, he is. Well then, good luck to all of you...except Matt!

Playoffs

Here are the playoff Matchups and seeds.

1) Ernie Jones (Bye)
2) Hey, Matt! (Bye)
3) Sqrl
4) Bachelor Has tie breaker over Mike since he beat him in regular season)
5) Mean Hands
6) Teacher

The mighty morphin' power midgets battle and Pat plays Crane. The Melinson brothers have to wait a week for their defeat.

Toilet Bowl

1) Kaner (Bye) Tie-breaker over Hags, since he beat him during Regular season
2) Hags (bye)
3)Nippler - Tie-breaker over Dtz, since he beat him during Regular season
4) Dtz
5) Prev
6) Fudd

Steve plays Fudd (good luck to Fudd) and Prev plays with Dtz's penis. Kaner and Hags have to wait around another week for this stupid thing to be over.

Now that all of that crap is out of the way, enjoy some stupid posts below...

Crane Kicks it in Hawaii

In case you didn't know, it was Mean Hands' B-Day a few weeks ago (also sqrl's, Matt's, and EJones'). He decided to spend some quiet time in Hawaii with Dawn. One day they came across a secluded beach. Dawn was appalled and went home. Mike spent the rest of the vacation on this beach. Here is a pic.

New Secret Weapon...Teacher!

The Eagles have a new play for 4th and short...

Andy Reid has decided to sign a "little person" named William "Teacher" Russell. Now McNabb can line up in shotgun formation on short yardage plays while holding "little Bill," take a shotgun snap, hand the ball to "little Bill," then fling him over the offensive and defensive lines into the end zone. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 Philadelphia Eagles!

Behind the Lines

The Betting lines, that is. I'm sure most of you, if not all of you had a wager on some of these games. And I'm sure Heather McCloskey has a black eye as a result of some of these outcomes. Here are the 7 biggest NFL betting miracle spread covers.

All right, it's finally time to discuss last week's "Troy Polamalu Game" and its ranking on the "Alcoa's Greatest Football Gambling Moments" list. I batted it around with an eight-man committee of buddies, and we came up with the following top seven moments from the past 25 years:

1. The Music City Miracle: The hidden great thing about the winning TD: Tennessee was giving 5, and the miracle TD gave the Titans a 21-16 lead. With only a few seconds remaining, you'd think they would have gone for two so they could lead by a touchdown, right? NOOOOOOOOO! They kicked the extra point to go up six. What's the difference between five and six? I have no idea. Nobody remembers this. Greatest and most inexplicable extra-point kick ever.

2. The Polamalu Game: At least 700 readers e-mailed me Sunday after the Miracle Cover That Wasn't to say either, "I thought of you as soon as it happened!" or "You have to write about this!" Apparently, I am the go-to columnist for any watershed gambling event. And honestly, I couldn't be prouder. The great thing was that you were either euphoric-then-furious or furious-then-euphoric, but either way, everyone with gambling/fantasy interests swung from one end of the pendulum to the other in five minutes. Amazing.

3. Adam Vinatieri's Two-Point Run: A forgotten Monday night moment from 1999, when the Pats were 3.5-point favorites and scored a controversial go-ahead TD as time expired. The Bills left the field in protest, only the Pats still had to kick the extra point … so Vinatieri joyously ran it in against the first 0-0-0 defense as Pete Carroll pumped his fist and reacted like a guy who would definitely be coaching college in two years. Final score: Pats 25, Bills 21.

4. The Ronnie Harmon Game: Back in 1990, the Browns hosted a wild-card game against Buffalo as 3.5-point favorites. Buffalo cut it to four with four minutes left, only Buffalo's kicker (I won't say his name) missed the extra point. Egads. Buffalo's D got the ball back, then Jim Kelly drove the Bills down the field before Ronnie Harmon dropped the game-winning TD with 14 seconds left and Kelly got picked on the final play. That was the first season I started gambling. I had the Browns. I was hooked.

5. The Rulon Jones Safety: Denver up three and giving 4.5 in the '86 playoffs, less than two minutes to play, the Pats had one last chance … and Jones sacked Tony Eason in the end zone for the back-breaking cover. The worst part was that Eason turtled. In the end zone.

6. The Monday Night Miracle: Miami takes a 23-point lead into the fourth quarter, but then Vinny Testaverde and the Jets score 30 points in the fourth and win the game in OT, 40-37. I'm 99 percent sure that they were favored by three, and it ended up being the greatest push in NFL history.

7. The Tamarick Vanover Game: A Monday night game from '95 that … well, allow one of my friends to explain. Here's his unedited memory of the Vanover Game:

"Chargers up four, getting between 3.5 and 5.5 points, inside K.C.'s 10, less than two minutes left. The Chargers have three bad plays, kick a short field goal. Up seven, we'll say up 12 with spread. [Steve] Bono drives the Chiefs down the field (1:12 remaining) with maybe one timeout (they used them on defense), throws an 18-yard touchdown pass with 15 seconds to go. Overtime, still up five with spread.

"[Stan] Humphries knocked out, in comes [Gale] Gilbert. Chargers punt after having a big play negated by a penalty, Vanover (with multiple guys around him) doesn't call for a fair catch. AVOIDS 3 GUYS AND THE CHARGER PUNTER WHO LOOKED LIKE HE HAD THE ANGLE AND GOES 86 YARDS. CHIEFS WIN BY 6.