Riding the Pine!

Guess who didn't start Ronnie Brown this week! Two words, Dtz...Ha Ha! Life doesn't get any sweeter than that. Possibly the best fantasy peformance in history and it doesn't count. Yes!

Wedding of the Year

Had a few more pics of Pat's wedding left over. Enjoy!

Science Unfair

Can't forget our Science Fair pic of the week, can we? Keep up the good work, Teach!

Good, but Better

That's cute. Maurice Jones-Drew went and had a good week. His best week in fact. And then Brandon marshall went ahead and had his normal week. Guess what, they both had 12 points. If that's the best he can do, Matt you're in for a long season. Easy money, thanks for the donation.

What's the Hell is That?!

I think everyone by now knows the classic Matt / Kangaroo story. If you don't, the following emails will help you out. These are actual emails that went back and forth between Bobby Mzzzzts and some guy he hasn't seen since college. Check it out. By the way, I did NOT edit these emails.


Bob,

I'm not sure if this is your email address anymore or not, but I have a question for you:

I wind up telling a story that involves you, your uncle and your uncle's friend from time to time and in the middle of telling it the other day I realized that it lives in a weird part of my memory and I can't be sure that it ever happened or not.

I think I was at your house playing poker one night and you told a story about your uncle and his friend. They were hanging out and the TV was on in the background; nobody is really watching it. It's on the discovery channel. A Kangaroo comes on and your uncle's buddy loses his mind because he'd never seen a Kangaroo before: "What the fuck is that??! What the fuck!!"

It doesn't come up much, I'm not telling the Kangaroo story every day, but it's a ridiculous story so it pops out sometimes.

So here's what I'm asking you:

1) Tell me if you in fact told me that story, so that I know that I didn't dream it, unless you didn't and I did, in which case tell me.

2) Do not tell me that you did tell me the story but it turned out to be a lie, that your Uncle's buddy is brilliant and made the whole thing up. Because if you tell me it's a lie then I have to stop telling it and I don't want to.

1) Did I dream it

2) If I didn't, remind me of the story but do not tell me that you found out it was a lie.

The story doesn't even have a ton of beats, or a lot of story to it, it's just funny to think of a grown man screaming "What the fuck" at a picture of a Kangaroo. And usually people don't think it's as funny as I do, people are more worried for that guy, but then that makes it even more funny for me.

It just occurred to me that if I did dream it, then this is the most random fucking email you could ever get. You haven't talked to me in years and then you get an email asking about "Something about my uncle and a kangaroo or something, fucking insane". So now I'm kinda hoping that I did dream it.

Anyway, how are you, sir? I'm good. I live in Oakland. My life is boring enough that I still tell the Kangaroo story with full exuberance.

-Dan


Whats up, Dan. I wanted so bad just to write you back and say "I have no fucking idea what you are talking about" but I knew you'd know I was lying.

Anyway, heres the deal. It was My uncle's shorehouse when he was probly like 25 years old. They were all sitting around the house drinking in the afternoon and had a nature show on. A kangaroo was being shown and Matt had never seen or heard of one. So he was looking at it, when all of a sudden the Joey stuck its head out of the pouch. Matt proceeded to flip the fuck out, saying "What the fuck is that thing. Whats going on? Does that animal just have another head sticking out of its stomach!!??" and other ridiculous comments.

So thats the deal. Its not a lie and it not a dream, so you can keep telling it. Keep in touch.

-Bob


Bob,

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the fucking joey! That's so much better than what I've been saying! I thought it was just the one headed kangaroo bouncing around. Jesus christ is that funny. And besides, any excuse to use the word Joey is a welcome one.

Can you imagine that moment for that guy? "Oh, now there's a two headed monster in the world and there wasn't one just a second ago." And also, what kind of dickhead ruins that for someone? Granted that's a lifetime of ball busting, but you'd hope someone would just say "Yeah, two heads, only eats with the stomach head. Faster." And let that guy think that forever.

Though if you think about it a kangaroo is plenty fucked up as it is so maybe it's a wash. Fucker just jumps. Thanks for clearing that up, I'll email you in another few years.

-Dan

Dtz Wins Again!

Make it two in a row for Dtz and this one was unanimous. Wow, everyone hates Dtz. Must make the man feel good, but that's what he gets for cheating.

I was going to do this every week. Put up a poll, throw in a few answers, and have the last answer say, "I hate Dtz." However, since Bill's little stunt on Monday night pissed me off, that's going to change. Don't forget to vote!

I Hate Mondays!

Seriously I do. What the hell is going on with Monday night football?! Two weeks in a row I'm up over twenty points heading into Monday night's game. I sit down and get my usual Monday-squirrel back rub from the missus (with happy ending) and watch the game. Then I have to see this! Players are going ape-shit on Monday Night Football!

Last week it was McNabb and Westbrook. This week Bill took me down with Phillip Rivers. Phillip Rivers! This is NOT a happy ending. Then of course, Bill rubs it in the next day. I might cry. Actually, I am crying. Waaah!

No More Bachelor

I was thinking about how Pat is going to be a father soon (congrats, Pat). That got me thinking about the day Pat officially gave up the title of bachelor. So, I went through some of my old pics looking for a few snapshots of Pat's wedding. Good times, Good times.

Science Fair Pic of the Week

No, it's not Timmy Melinson this week, but it is another one of Teacher's brilliant students. Bill's a great science teacher, isn't he?

Damn Cowboys!

It was going to be a good night. The Eagles were going to beat the snot out of the Cowboys and I was going to win my fantasy game. Yeah, a good night.

I was up a comfortable 30 points and Crane had only 3 guys left. McNabb, Westbrook, and Eagles-D. Worst case scenario, if Mike did come from behind and beat me, that would mean a rout by the Eagles over Dallas. I'd accept that. Win-win.

Not! Loss-Loss. Somewhere I hear Fudd giggling. Well, Fudd, laugh at this...

I Hate Dtz

I heard a commercial the other day for I Hate Steven Singer. I think we should ask Mike Melinson to create an I Hate Chris Deitz web site. It's a good idea.

I gave you a choice. I let you be his judge and jury. Did he cheat? Probably, but we'll never no for sure. There is so much dislike for this guy that people decided not to vote, but instead just say how they felt. The overwhelming majority voted for "I hate Dtz". That pretty much sums it up.

(For the record we all know he cheated)

Terrible Bet!

Seriously, when will it end? It's become a joke and it's only been one game. I think the direct quote from Matt on draft night was...

Brandon Marshall?! Who is that?! He stinks. Worst pick ever. You out thought yourself on that one Squirrel.

Yeah, terrible pick...

Brandon Marshall-WR- Broncos
Sep. 14 - 7:44 pm et Brandon Marshall caught 18 passes (for real) for 166 yards and a touchdown as the Broncos snuck by the Chargers 39-38 in Week 2. To call Marshall dominant would be an understatement. Marshall is going to be a PPR horse all season. His goal of 140 catches is actually starting to look realistic.

I think it's more of a case of terrible bet.

Fancy Yancy

As if you needed yet another reason to tell me I have no life, I've discovered a new one...

As I was watching Brandon Marshall rack up catch after catch and absolutely destroy Maurice Jones Drew in the stats column, I flipped around the DTV football package and took a quick look at the Kansas City Chiefs game.

We won't mention the fact that Larry Johnson stinks (Ha-Ha, Dtz), but we will mention the fact that the starting quarterback's name is Tyler Thigpen. Who?! Yeah, that's what I said. But, here's the really scary thing. I can actually name two other people who have the name Thigpen. Now, I know three. For some reason that disturbs me.

Yancey Dirk Thigpen (born August 15, 1969 in Tarboro, North Carolina) is a former professional American Football wide receiver who played for the San Diego Chargers (1991), the Pittsburgh Steelers (1992–1997), and the Tennessee Oilers/Titans (1998–2000). Before his NFL career, he played for Winston-Salem State University.

Robert (Bobby) Thomas Thigpen (born July 17, 1963 in Tallahassee, Florida) is a former relief pitcher in Major League Baseball. He is noted for setting the major league record of 57 saves during the 1990 season, which has since been broken by Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim pitcher Francisco Rodriguez[1]. He is currently the manager of the Bristol White Sox.

What does any of this have to do with Fantasy Football? Nothing. That's why I posted it. Yeah, I have no life.

September 11th

Never Forget

Ha Ha!

Two words, Teacher. Ha and Ha. Thanks for the donation!

Teacher Woop Woop!

Bill had his students enter the science fair, but one of the girls couldn't come up with a good idea, so Bill helped her out. Nice work, Teach...you sicko!

By the way, is it me or does she look like someone we know....

Crying about the Scoring

You guys gave me a lot of flak about the scoring system, but let me tell you, it could be a lot worse. I'm in McCuskers League and here is a post from their message board. And you thought we had it rough?


Points system has been screwed for years
Posted by Chris Rodgers, to EveryoneSep 08, 02:53 am ET

everybody who watched Sunday Night's Game (game?), compare what some of your players did to that down syndrome fuck Peyton............how he got any points, let alone HIS TOTAL THIS WEEK, is amazing??????? Yeah, you can call me a drunk, a trouble maker......but I tell you this...........WATCH SOME DAMN GAMES.........TELL ME THAT THAT RETARDED ASS DESERVED THAT MANY POINTS............THIS LEAGUE IS A JOKE...............ONCE AGAIN!

Gonzoliscious!

Did you notice we get a lot of pictures of muppets on this blog? Weird.

Yeah, Ernest Graham is a pretty bad pick in the second round, but it wasn't the worst pick of the draft. According to our poll, Matt takes that title with the Gonzo twins selections. Even he's not sure which muppet he picked first, but he's stuck with both. Terrible.

But there is good news, Matt. You have no chance of winning our bet, but at least you won something!

Master Bettor

So as you know, Matt and I have a bet. Maurice Jones Drew vs. Brandon Marshall. Matt had a huge advantage this week since Mo-Drew was playing and Marshall was suspended. So, did Matt take advantage?

Maurice Jones-Drew rushed five times for 13 yards and added four receptions for 37 yards against the Titans in Week 1. Jones-Drew couldn't create against a swarming Titans defense, and the Jags actually abandoned the run in the second half.

As you know, in our league that's only worth 1 point. No wonder Matt was so bent on changing the scoring. But wait, it gets better!

RG Uche Nwaneri, expected to fill in for the injured Maurice Williams, took a shot to the left knee Sunday and will undergo X-Rays on Monday. With the loss of Williams, Richard Collier, Vince Manuwai, and now possibly Nwaneri, the Jaguars' offensive line is extremely depleted. Expect them to audition some free agents this week. Fred Taylor, Maurice Jones-Drew, and David Garrard have to be fairly nervous.

And the icing on the cake...

Greg Jones caught three passes for 13 yards and a touchdown in Week 1. Jones benefited with a one-yard touchdown catch when Maurice Jones-Drew was ruled just shy of the end zone on the previous play.

That's my favorite part. I swear, it never gets old when someone gets tackled on the one!

Welcome Back, Ernie Jones

Ernie Jones and Squiggly "Elmo" Miggs go over their draft board (borrowed from Pat and Prev) to make another stellar pick. "We'll take Vernon Davis!"

Yeah, I probably could of found a stupid picture of the real Ernie Jones, but this one is funnier. Besides, Ernie Jones was so bad, there really isn't a lot of pictures of him on the World wide web. If you don't believe me, Google it yourself.

Why Ernie Jones? Ask Mike Crane. Dates back to circa 1993. Swimmy Timmy offered Mike Crane Ernie Jones in a trade offer. Mike laughed and laughed and laughed...you know how that goes. When he finally calmed down (hours later) he gave Timmy the new name. It stuck.

We're glad to have you back, Timmy. You should fill in nicely for Kyle...in last place. Sqffl -1, Kyle, 0

Rules Change

The more things change the more they stay the same. Yeah, I definitely put the kibosh on the points change...which was my intention all along. Annoy you with math until you gave up. Maybe next year, Dtz...ya cheatin' bastard!

Anyway, one important rule DID change (Thanks to the Preppy Teacher). Since there are at least 7 Thursday night games...INCLUDING TONIGHT...bids for players have to be in by Thursdays at noon. You can still pick up players after that, but the bidding auction ends on Thursday at noon. Previously it was Thursday at 10pm.

Also, Kaner's favorite rule is still around. Frozen pizza. With exception to kickers and Defenses, if a player is dropped one week, he CANNOT be picked up until the following week. Every once in a while people get away with this since it is tough to catch (Dtz, ya cheatin' bastard, I'm lookin' at you!), but I let it slide if it's a scrub like Bill's 2nd round pick Ernest Graham.

However, this rule is important thanks to Glenn Senior back in 1991. For some reason he dropped Sterling Sharpe. Only I knew about it since Glenn called me to make the move (another reason I hate change), so I picked Sharpe up. Matt cried (again), ergo the new rule.

Other than that, the rest remains the same. Tradition, boys, tradition!

Four in the Oven

An official congrats to the SQFFL'ers who have some special deliveries coming soon. Kyle, Fudd, Patt, and Prev are going to be using their fantasy money for formula and diapers pretty soon. I think we have Pat, Kyle, Fudd, and Prev in that order.

Sounds like a new division next year in the SQFFL. At this rate, we'll probably have to create the Junior league...sounds like a Halloween Nippler story to me. Congrats, Guys!

A New Bet

Since Kyle is out this year (Thank God for small favors), there was no side bet related to fantasy football between him and Bill. So Matt and I decided to pick up the slack. In case you forgot it's Maurice Jones Drew (Matt's terrible 2nd round pick) vs. Brandon Marshall. Easy Money

And yes, adding insult to injury, Marshall is only going to use 15 games to do it. See below, Matt! Thanks for the donation.

Brandon Marshall says his goal is to catch 140 passes this season when he returns from his one-game suspension.

It would be an incredible feat, and even more incredible in a 15-game season. Marshall caught 102 passes in 2007, his second year in the NFL. "I'm going to watch a lot of football and prepare myself as if I was going to be out there," he said of his plans for Week 1. 140 catches may not be doable, but Marshall should again compete for the league lead in targets.
Source: CBS4 Denver

Folds like Concrete

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2008 SQFFL!!

And so it begins...

I think I left you guys a little high and dry on blog posts last year, so i am going to try and make that up to you. Try being the key word here. But, at least I'm starting it off with a bang, right?

You know, you guys gave me a lot of crap not wanting to change. How we should embrace change. Yet, when I decide to take the SQFFL update to the next level by blogging instead of word documents, I get.... "What's a blog?" Matt, I'm looking in your direction.

Well, you know what. I'm not going to let anyone Sqrl-a-buster me out of this one. If you want to read an update? If you want to read about stuff that has nothing to do with fantasy football (not on purpose anyway) then you are going to have to come to my blog. How's that for change?

So, without further ado, let's get started...

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