What's the Hell is That?!

I think everyone by now knows the classic Matt / Kangaroo story. If you don't, the following emails will help you out. These are actual emails that went back and forth between Bobby Mzzzzts and some guy he hasn't seen since college. Check it out. By the way, I did NOT edit these emails.


Bob,

I'm not sure if this is your email address anymore or not, but I have a question for you:

I wind up telling a story that involves you, your uncle and your uncle's friend from time to time and in the middle of telling it the other day I realized that it lives in a weird part of my memory and I can't be sure that it ever happened or not.

I think I was at your house playing poker one night and you told a story about your uncle and his friend. They were hanging out and the TV was on in the background; nobody is really watching it. It's on the discovery channel. A Kangaroo comes on and your uncle's buddy loses his mind because he'd never seen a Kangaroo before: "What the fuck is that??! What the fuck!!"

It doesn't come up much, I'm not telling the Kangaroo story every day, but it's a ridiculous story so it pops out sometimes.

So here's what I'm asking you:

1) Tell me if you in fact told me that story, so that I know that I didn't dream it, unless you didn't and I did, in which case tell me.

2) Do not tell me that you did tell me the story but it turned out to be a lie, that your Uncle's buddy is brilliant and made the whole thing up. Because if you tell me it's a lie then I have to stop telling it and I don't want to.

1) Did I dream it

2) If I didn't, remind me of the story but do not tell me that you found out it was a lie.

The story doesn't even have a ton of beats, or a lot of story to it, it's just funny to think of a grown man screaming "What the fuck" at a picture of a Kangaroo. And usually people don't think it's as funny as I do, people are more worried for that guy, but then that makes it even more funny for me.

It just occurred to me that if I did dream it, then this is the most random fucking email you could ever get. You haven't talked to me in years and then you get an email asking about "Something about my uncle and a kangaroo or something, fucking insane". So now I'm kinda hoping that I did dream it.

Anyway, how are you, sir? I'm good. I live in Oakland. My life is boring enough that I still tell the Kangaroo story with full exuberance.

-Dan


Whats up, Dan. I wanted so bad just to write you back and say "I have no fucking idea what you are talking about" but I knew you'd know I was lying.

Anyway, heres the deal. It was My uncle's shorehouse when he was probly like 25 years old. They were all sitting around the house drinking in the afternoon and had a nature show on. A kangaroo was being shown and Matt had never seen or heard of one. So he was looking at it, when all of a sudden the Joey stuck its head out of the pouch. Matt proceeded to flip the fuck out, saying "What the fuck is that thing. Whats going on? Does that animal just have another head sticking out of its stomach!!??" and other ridiculous comments.

So thats the deal. Its not a lie and it not a dream, so you can keep telling it. Keep in touch.

-Bob


Bob,

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the fucking joey! That's so much better than what I've been saying! I thought it was just the one headed kangaroo bouncing around. Jesus christ is that funny. And besides, any excuse to use the word Joey is a welcome one.

Can you imagine that moment for that guy? "Oh, now there's a two headed monster in the world and there wasn't one just a second ago." And also, what kind of dickhead ruins that for someone? Granted that's a lifetime of ball busting, but you'd hope someone would just say "Yeah, two heads, only eats with the stomach head. Faster." And let that guy think that forever.

Though if you think about it a kangaroo is plenty fucked up as it is so maybe it's a wash. Fucker just jumps. Thanks for clearing that up, I'll email you in another few years.

-Dan